Here I am again…

I have come to this page many times in the past few days… but yet I can’t seem to write what it is that is on my mind. It seems to be just swirling around in my head, like a dog chasing their tail, but when I come to this page to write it all out… it’s gone like it never even existed.

Yesterday I started my last official year as an undergrad. By the time I graduate, I will have ben taking college courses for 7 years. I could have had a Ph.D. at this point if I had gone to school right after high school. But there are two sides to this… which I have to keep reminding myself. I decided to go into the Navy which means I got to experience things in life that not very many women get to at such a young age. At the age of 19 I was living on my own thousands of miles away from everything I had known and I survived. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. The second side to this is that I missed out on having the “college experience”. I didn’t get to move into a dorm with someone I had never met and experience welcome week at the school of my choice. That seems to be what is making this week so hard. Sure I’ve had a lot of starting new quarters or semesters. But never a chance to celebrate the start of journey that is supposed to be some of the best years of your life. Instead I decided to spend those years working 70 hour weeks if I was lucky and cramming in sleep and studying when I could.

I guess I could say I regret that choice… How different my life could have been if I had just gone to college. I can’t guarantee that I would have been successful or even someplace different from where I am now.

As with everything in life, it comes down to choices. Every choice that is made has the ability to be the one that changes everything. It might not be for the better, it might not even make things worse… it might just leave behind the nagging little question of “What if?”

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