Sleepless

Tonight is one of those nights… I should be asleep, I should be tired, but yet here I lay… wide awake.

You’ve been on my mind today. Wishing things could be different. Wishing you were here. That feeling of being abandoned has been strong today, I haven’t felt that in your respect in awhile.

Sometimes I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that it’s been almost seven years. It feels just like yesterday at other moments. I can still see you the last time I saw you, hugged you, heard your whispered voice.

I’d give anything material up to have that moment again. So much to tell you that you need to know. I’d give up anything to go be able to go back in time to that first time you picked up a cigarette and ask you if you’d be willing to give up time with your future wife, children, and grandchildren for those evil things?

I don’t even know what the exact purpose of writing this all out was… except that it was just being bottled up inside and needed to be released.

Dad, I just miss you so much.