Seven Years or Yesterday?

Seven years ago today, my life changed forever. In one moment you were here on this Earth, and the next gone. It took one phone call to make the greatest impact on my life. You had been my greatest cheerleader, my coach on the sidelines in all my sports, the dad in the audience of all my band, orchestra, and piano recitals. You were in the stands the day I graduated High School and then Navy bootcamp, and the person I called when I had questions about OSU football games, or car questions. Some of the fondest memories I have are sitting on the computer and you watching a movie answering questions I’m sure annoyed you.

Some days you cross my mind fleetingly, something will remind me of you or I’ll see something that I wish I could share with you. Other days the grief is heavy and I think of you and replay the memories over and over. Like the time I scored a goal and you let me shave your head. I never knew you had ears like that until all that hair was gone. Or the time we were instant messaging when I was overseas and you came up with your own shorthand… and I had no clue what you were trying to say and when mom asked you… you acted surprised that we didn’t just know what you meant.

I have so many memories with you that it is hard to choose which ones to share with the world. These three pictures are some of my favorite ones with you.

I wish you could have been there the day I walked down the aisle. Oh I know you were there in spirit, I could feel it. But it would have been so much more special had you been here in person. I know there will be more days to come in my life when I will have those same thoughts.

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The rose I placed in memory of father as I walked down the aisle.

Seven years has been what feels like an eternity somedays and just the other day at other times. I wish I could hear your voice one more time, have one more hug, see you stick your tongue out at me one more time. These pictures are one of the ways I will remember you. I love you daddy!

These songs have given me so much comfort.

 

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Sleepless

Tonight is one of those nights… I should be asleep, I should be tired, but yet here I lay… wide awake.

You’ve been on my mind today. Wishing things could be different. Wishing you were here. That feeling of being abandoned has been strong today, I haven’t felt that in your respect in awhile.

Sometimes I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that it’s been almost seven years. It feels just like yesterday at other moments. I can still see you the last time I saw you, hugged you, heard your whispered voice.

I’d give anything material up to have that moment again. So much to tell you that you need to know. I’d give up anything to go be able to go back in time to that first time you picked up a cigarette and ask you if you’d be willing to give up time with your future wife, children, and grandchildren for those evil things?

I don’t even know what the exact purpose of writing this all out was… except that it was just being bottled up inside and needed to be released.

Dad, I just miss you so much.