Dear Younger Me

I heard this song, “Dear Younger Me” by Mercy Me on the radio while I was on my way to work this morning and I don’t know why but I actually really paid attention to the lyrics and continued to think about them throughout the day and how they truly applied to my life. Many times I have wondered what would have happened if I had made different choices in my life. There are definitely some things that I wish I never would have had to experienced in my 29 years on this Earth… and I have wished plenty times since those events have occurred that they hadn’t.

Then I heard these two separate lyrics in the song and it all made sense… “And try to change, The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me” and “Dear younger me, It’s not your fault, You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross”. Every time I have made those wishes about those events, I always end up circling back and being able to state what wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t gone through that. Most of the time I can find that “thing” that would be different in my life and I know that everything had to play out that way to have the outcome that it did. For those moments of pain that I have yet to understand the “why” behind it… the verse about not carrying it beyond the cross explains (at least to me) that maybe I never will and I have to be OK  and accept that I might never be able to find that “thing“.

One of the biggest flaws I have recognized in myself is the lack of trust in people that haven’t proven it. That has been one of my BIGGEST struggles in my faith journey. So the above statement about being able to accept (which to me means trust there is a bigger purpose) is so extremely hard for me to do. Another flaw of mine is not being able to forget. A lot of people say, “I forgive, but I don’t forget”. To me, forgiveness should mean that you forget, or else you’ll always wonder if that person may fail you again or hurt you in some way. If you trust them enough to still have them in your life, shouldn’t you be able to forget the pain or hurt that they caused you?

I brought that up because some of those events I have blamed God for allowing them to happen and angry at Him for the outcome and/or the pain I felt because of it. As time has passed, it’s easier to let go of some of that blame, hurt, and anger; but I haven’t forgotten. So when something happens or doesn’t happen… it is so very easy to look back at those past events and that trust starts to falter and with anything if you look too hard or too long that trust starts to crumble.  So now when that happens… I’m going to listen to this song, and really pay attention to the lyrics and feel them in my heart… especially this part:

 

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

Every mountain every valley
Thru each heartache you will see
Every moment brings you closer
To who you were meant to be

Here is the lyric video in case you are unfamiliar with the song:

And here are the lyrics in their entirety if you’d rather just read them:

Dear Younger Me

Dear younger me
Where do I start
If I could tell you everything that I have learned so far
Then you could be
One step ahead
Of all the painful memories still running thru my head
I wonder how much different things would be
Dear younger me,

Dear younger me
I cannot decide
Do I give some speech about how to get the most out of your life
Or do I go deep
And try to change
The choices that you’ll make cuz they’re choices that made me
Even though I love this crazy life
Sometimes I wish it was a smoother ride
Dear younger me, dear younger me

If I knew then what I know now
Condemnation would’ve had no power
My joy my pain would’ve never been my worth
If I knew then what I know now
Would’ve not been hard to figure out
What I would’ve changed if I had heard

Dear younger me
It’s not your fault
You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross
Dear younger me

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

Every mountain every valley
Thru each heartache you will see
Every moment brings you closer
To who you were meant to be
Dear younger me, dear younger me

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

You are holy
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed

Second Chances

I have been thinking about this topic for a while now and decided that maybe it’s time to put some thoughts down on “paper”. I first started thinking about this topic reading a book titled “Shades of Blue” by Karen Kingsbury about a young couple that has an abortion and nine years later seek forgiveness not only from each other but God as well.

While I guess I could say I have been extremely fortunate to not have had to ever make a decision like that young couple. There are definitely some things that I wish I could go back and do over. In the storyline the characters talk about wishing how they could go back and do that day over again and how different things would have turned out if they wouldn’t have made that one decision.

I think we all have at least one decision we wish we could go back and change. To have a second chance to redo that part of our life. For a lot of people the guilt associated with not being able to do eats them up. For others they run away from the pain and guilt until it slams into them out of nowhere.

I would say that I’ve done a little bit of both, letting the guilt eat me up all the while trying to run from it. I don’t think it’s important to talk about the decisions publicly unless you so choose. But to find an individual that you would trust with anything and share that with them if they don’t already know. Maybe you can be that person for each other and allow each other to be the strength needed. Talk to God or your Higher Power if you are a person of faith.

I just can’t help but wonder where on Earth we would be if we were able to find some sort of forgiveness from a person if it is needed, forgiving someone who has harmed you, garnering understanding that even though it can’t be changed you might need to heal and accept said forgiveness so that ultimately just you or even you and the other person(s) involved can find peace.

God: Good for the soul

Tonight feeling anxious and uncertain about what the future is going to be bring for me and all of the different paths I could end up taking… I decided I would hunt through music on YouTube. Some of the most comforting music, for me at least, is praise music and classical music. I usually listen to praise music on YouTube because there is just SO much out there. I eventually ran across the song at the end of this post by Casting Crowns titled: “You’re Already There”. This song was able to calm all of those feelings that I was having by simply reminding me that God knows how my life is going to play out and that I need to trust in Him and His plans. While this is not always the easiest thing to do, it is certainly better than stressing out over things that aren’t in your control. The hardest thing to do is ask for guidance and which path are you supposed to take when it might be the total opposite of what you thought you would/could do.

I never thought I would end up where I am today… So many things have happened over the past 27 years that have shaped me into who I am today and directed me down this path. Yes there was pain and sorrow involved… sometimes unbearable pain and sorrow (at least it was at those moments in time), there were internal and external struggles as well but most importantly there was also JOY. And to be able to look back at those struggles and times of pain and be able to see the positive things that emerged from those times is truly a blessing and good for the soul. God certainly heals from the deepest of wounds and the darkest corners of your self…