Seven Years or Yesterday?

Seven years ago today, my life changed forever. In one moment you were here on this Earth, and the next gone. It took one phone call to make the greatest impact on my life. You had been my greatest cheerleader, my coach on the sidelines in all my sports, the dad in the audience of all my band, orchestra, and piano recitals. You were in the stands the day I graduated High School and then Navy bootcamp, and the person I called when I had questions about OSU football games, or car questions. Some of the fondest memories I have are sitting on the computer and you watching a movie answering questions I’m sure annoyed you.

Some days you cross my mind fleetingly, something will remind me of you or I’ll see something that I wish I could share with you. Other days the grief is heavy and I think of you and replay the memories over and over. Like the time I scored a goal and you let me shave your head. I never knew you had ears like that until all that hair was gone. Or the time we were instant messaging when I was overseas and you came up with your own shorthand… and I had no clue what you were trying to say and when mom asked you… you acted surprised that we didn’t just know what you meant.

I have so many memories with you that it is hard to choose which ones to share with the world. These three pictures are some of my favorite ones with you.

I wish you could have been there the day I walked down the aisle. Oh I know you were there in spirit, I could feel it. But it would have been so much more special had you been here in person. I know there will be more days to come in my life when I will have those same thoughts.

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The rose I placed in memory of father as I walked down the aisle.

Seven years has been what feels like an eternity somedays and just the other day at other times. I wish I could hear your voice one more time, have one more hug, see you stick your tongue out at me one more time. These pictures are one of the ways I will remember you. I love you daddy!

These songs have given me so much comfort.

 

A New Future

In the blink of an eye, everything can change…your house could go up in flames and all your earthly possessions be gone except for what you have on your back, or a loved one could pass away. At this point nothing will ever be the same in your life. Everything that you had or hoped would/could happen in your future changes. Granted you can replace furniture and a house, but not those precious personal things like childhood mementoes and those from the rest of your life.

When a loved one passes away, especially suddenly, those same thoughts occur. All of the things that they won’t get to do or do again. When my dad passed away the first thing I thought of from that list was that I’d never hear his voice again… and the list kept growing. A few years later and the things from that list are the larger milestones in life. He didn’t get to see me graduate college, he won’t get to walk me down the aisle and give me away in a few weeks, he won’t get to hold any grandchildren… and the list will grow I’m sure.

I still struggle with the fact that how I always imagined things won’t be the way they happen… but it has gotten easier as I start to let go and enjoy the memories I do have of him. All of the piano recitals, plays, band and orchestra concerts, soccer and softball games, and the trips we took are my “new future”. Holding on to these memories helps to ease the moments of pain and sorrow at the fact that he is no longer here.

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