Lately I’ve been thinking about a question that has been plaguing my thoughts…. “Through all the good and bad that has happened, would I have ever imagined my life would be this?”
While I can definitely say that no, I never pictured my life like this… I can’t say that it is a bad thing either. Many things didn’t work out like I had planned growing up, for starters I wasn’t a fighter pilot in the Navy and didn’t go on to become an astronaut and set amazing historic records either. While I did join the Navy, it was a far cry from the “original” plan and without that change I can say my life would most definitely be worse off. I struggled and grew as a person and it was obviously the path I needed to be on at that point in my life.
Other things are different as well…people that I always imagined I would have more time with are no longer here, whether it be because they have passed away or our paths have uncrossed… and I’m not even necessarily sure that it’s a bad thing anymore.
I used to sit and stare at catalogues and the older male models and think…”that’s what I want my husband to look like when we get older” and of course God had other plans.
But I look at my life now and think, man I may have never imagined this, but I wouldn’t change a darn thing.
Today marks the day that there are roughly (since I just picked a random day in January since we don’t know for sure) 330 days until Kyle is back. Oh how I can not wait for that day. Most would probably think that it’s a bad idea to be counting down, but for some reason to see that number slowly getting smaller… it helps and it helps a lot.
So our move went pretty decent thanks to amazing help we had on both ends. There have been some hiccups since we’ve been here but nothing that has sent me running for hills… yet 😉. Still struggling with the job hunt. The hard decision will be when to decide to stop applying because it wouldn’t be worth it anyways. But I know it’s not anywhere close to that yet.
Most of the larger things are unpacked and put it in their spots or where they’ll be staying for the time being. Now it’s just working on the smaller things and trying to pass the time. I had thought about starting school again and would still love for that to happen, but would hate to be in the middle of classes and be traveling and not have access to decent internet for the classes. I think that will just have to wait until next year.
I am greatly looking forward to finding out where I will be calling home next. Some of that is my love for travel but the majority of that is because I will FINALLY be able to be home with Kyle wherever that may be. I will have been waiting for that day for about three years by the time it happens and I CAN NOT wait!!
Well that appears to be it for now…
Tonight has been one with what seems like a million things weighing on my mind. Mostly about how I would love to do certain parts of life over… and while I know that I will not get that “do-over” that I so wish I could have, it made me realize how much those so called errors have made me who I am today.
These mistakes made in the last 10 years are not something that someone would say I regret… I just know that if I was able to make those decisions with what I know now, I would have made totally different ones. I have been described as someone who “wears her heart on her sleeve” and while that is true in some cases… in others I bury it because I pull on those situations on nights like these where things seems unclear and you wonder if you’re heading down the right path or any path at all. And I know that I am not supposed to have all the answers and I don’t want to know how my life will turn out because then there would be no point in living it because I would already know.
I said all of that to say this: Every decision that you make will play into the next and so on… each decision is like a stepping stone along the path of life and everyone lays their own path as they walk it.